Nobody ever thinks of how unemployment affects those who are living it. You're not his maid, you're supposed to be his partner. To all those looking after their unemployed spouse/partner it is hard, it is painful, but if you still have feelings for one another (and trust/respect after all you have been through) I think there is hope. haha talk about a slow learner. Change yourself will be much easy. Ive got 2 girls Im supporting. on Wednesday, June 27th, 2012 at 8:09 am. In our 11 year LTR my husband has been employed probably a total of 9 months. But you are basically raising two children AND running a household on your own. What can I do???? Disillusioned. They only want to find some meaningful job Particular for these who has had a good career before. I do not want to separate or divorce, but I am trying to figure out how to discuss this without upsetting him and his ego. Even if you're not sure he is abusive and/or believe he can change, have an escape fund and an escape plan, and people around you to make sure you're safe when you're leaving/kicking him out. I dont really see a light at the end of this tunnel since the information technology sector has been decimated by imported labor & responses to his resume are few and far between. And of course, that is quite understandable as this is not the traditional or even proper way (IMO) for things to be done in a marriage or family. Hes managed to stretch my salary and the last of our savings out until the end of this year. Oh my gosh, what do I do. Im tired, fed up of always having to carry the load and biggest is fed up of feeling not good enough. He was doing fine performance wise, but was always in an angry mood with a boo boo face saying little to nothing to co-workers. No support from him meant I had to turn down the promotion I wanted and planned on retiring from. Partners, it is indeed time to take care of you. He is working on a movie- Im financially funding it all. Hurt. Kelsey, kick him out. In recent years, the pinnacle of motorsports has gained an unlikely audience of new enthusiasts. It sounds like you are going through a rough time, and we want to make sure you have resources that can help. Im 39 and he is 40 and he might have worked 3 years in total. It has tested our relationship to the limit. More than anything, I am so so so tired. Most often, we see a lot of support for the unemployed person who is building his or her resume, interviewing, networking, staying busy, and being positive. Him taking his dishes to the sink is, like, a friggin noteworthy event. He doesnt know how to network (or wont) he wont talk to anyone about it, he has no friends and relies on me solely for everything. The first 15 I was like please dont go. He gets mean, depressed, and sometimes seem to have no ambition. Have a harder shell. Our whole lives are a facade to our community. Im frustrated because it does NOT take a YEAR to get a job..ANY job, I dont care if its flipping burgers. Carolyn Hax readers give advice. He going to college now for his ba. Go figure. He is a dreamer always talk but that is it. hang in there! I absolutely cannot marry an unemployed man. This man brings some happiness and reliefe in my life, i know its artificial but for those moments, i feel better, i laugh, i smile and I dont have to pay the bill for our lunch and drinks or the petrol/gas in his comfortable mercedes benz (car). He purposely logs out of Facebook when I come home from work- as soon as I walk in the door hes off. You will most definitely have days when you can handle it and days when youre at your wits end. Were lucky, I guess, that he has SOME form of money coming in, but I cant get over the fact that this all happened so quickly. His unemployment ran out last year.. Ive been the bread winner for the longest time. Unemployment can make individuals need to pull back yet abstain from ending up socially disengaged. Once I get up in the morning , I am busy at preparing my kids and my self Breakfast and lunch. There are many more things he doesnt do but for google that seemed a good start. He just does not get it one bit. All of historys military commanders, Kings, and Emporers never had in their wildest dreams the strdength it takes some of us to walk back into our homes after work knowing that we will be welcomed with complaints and sinks full of dishes. He was sweet and charming till he moved in on me without even asking! You are not alone. I had a gorgeous husband and I had a well paid job. You think, oh just go get a job anything will do and that is not the way it is. It is not all about money exept for the fact that it costs money to live or survive. He could be feeling a combination of all 3, or he could be feeling none of them. I always dream If I were younger (now I am 40+)and no children I can start my new life easily and dont need to be struck in such situation. I live with my family, my daddy is a millionaire and my boyfriend is a little bit poor. I cant stand being home for too long I like to get out and have fun even if its going to the park! He says hes doing what hes doing for us and that we should be patient Its been 4 yrs, 4 yrs.. Ive been nothing but a gud and supporting wife for 4 yrs to a man trying to sell Gold, diamonds, oil and gas etc that he doesnt own to people he doesnt know. I try to take care of myself but he gets pouty and jealous if I seem to be trying to do so. Not one interview. Fake interviews, youre overweight, they didnt like youblah blah blah are you kidding me?? I have passed my MCA on 2013 but still not getting a job. No one can help you except yourself. He is STILL UNEMPLOYED and has been so since April of this year. Its not your problem if he has no where to go. I still do. When I come home exhausted I have to study too for my post grad training. He has nowhere to go anymore and he literally has only what I give him. She makes most of their income while he takes care of the kids, cooks, cleans house and does all the yard work. If not, she is lazy and not being a good wife to her husband who IS working. Id rather die. Stooge.what a powerful and much needed message I, and every other abused woman needs to hear. I dont know what to do. I wish I could just quit and pursue my own interests and business ideas but I feel trapped by my obligations to feed her and her ungrateful kid. Yep, Im that stupid. I asked him the other day to reflect on why is he the first one to be laid off, what is he doing at work to get himself on that list. Chill out and let positive energy radiate from the two parties. If I mute or pause the tv to look or listen to whatever gem he has found, I am a monster. Two thirds of my wage is spent on existing (rent, bills, food and travel) the rest I dont feel I can spend on myself as Im always thinking about next months costs. I have been with my husband for almost 9 years married for 2. Everyone keeps telling me to leave him but I do feel sorry for him. I hate to see what this has done to him. Ive been married 12 years to my wife.She brought 2 children into the relationship but that was okay.I loved them and raised them as my own.But 6 years into the marriage my wife lost her job and hasnt contributed financially ever since.At first I could carry the load until the financial crisis and then I lost my job.Since then Ive found a better job making more money but I still need her help.I think she went so long without working most employers over look her qualifications,I guess.We are drowning in debt.Im applying for a job that will take me away from home but Ill make more money than Im making now.I truly love my wife but I think its time for me to move on and find someone who is willing to work just as hard as me and not be stuck with someone who depends on me.Am I wrong?I know marriage is for better or worse but just keep thinking about the life I could have if I was with someone who is more independent and has less baggage. None of us can know what it is like to be the person in that situation, because each person and each situation is unique. I was on the lease, had lived there alone for 2 years, but I met him and he needed help with somewhere to crash while he looked for a job. In a bad 3 . How long do we sacrifice ourselves? Everyone including my parents tell me to leave him but i love him. But the problem is, humans are not rational and they dont behave according to percentages. Ive held a full time job since we moved here. However,I I have been identified by my wife as the main contributor of stress in her life, something she cannot endure any longer. My husband has been abusive in the past, but I came back. I remember till few monyhs I have bought her every thing ehich she has liked. And, one more btw I have a job that requires a lot. I know this may sound terrible, but after struggling for six years with a boyfriend who lacked ambition, drive, and frankly is extremely lazy I finally got the courage to let him go. Originally we both wanted me to be a stay at home mom, so my husband doesnt even want me to work anyway. So I am paying for everything. I feel like its always important to evaluate the realities we have and ask ourselves fundamental questions about our situation. Its been 7 years since my husband was laid off. You are experiencing the deep frustration and it sucks that we just cannot get through to them, how their shit is emotionally and physically effecting is. He may mark down the things in mobile but still forget from time to time. Hes so sick of getting the thanks but no thanks emails, and having recruiters tell him (not kidding here) that hes too old and too overweight for them to even submit his resume to their clients (we live in a very expensive area dominated by younger tech workers). He is looking and is on the computer a lot applying for positions but it doesnt seem to get results. Of course, like many others on here, I was afraid to leave him for other complex reasons that are hard to describe. My sister went back to work about 6 years into the marriage. He chose to drink anyway for days in a row until either he left n put himself into rehab, which he clearly needed or we all had to leave. Now that theres a catch-all phrase for this work, spouses wives in particular are more prone to talk about it. I wont like it, but thats the type of decision an adult makes. Ive lowered myself now to telling him daily how he is using me and thats the way I see it! Less than 2 years, delivered 2 babies (including a preemie), suffered a debilitating spinal injury (while pregnant with 2nd) and subsequently lost my 6-figure job. There isnt much or any inconvenience here as you provide company and can chip in for gas if need be. A marriage is supposed to be a partnership. Part of the reason (s) we currently arent speaking is I stuck my neck out and got him a job working with me at a restaurant located inside of a retirement community. I helped him when he doesnt have a job for several months before & now when is my turn he simply said i cant!!!! He takes out the trash maybe once a week, but . Can we talk about divvying up some of the stuff on my plate?. What do I do??? Does anybody even read this board? My husband has been underemployed for several years now. A guy who really wants this relationship will make the effort. He said hes always been the one with all the answers, and now he has none. Zero income. I still sometimes get a stomach flutter upon seeing him. However, I made a vow. With the latter two you may question why you are putting up with it and even tolerating the person when they are hardly working or not working at all more often. Throughout these 6 years i have been jobless for maybe a total of 4 months. Divorce is not the goal. You really need to start asking yourself the following questions; Is this the life I want to experience for the next 1, 5, 10, 20 years? Were working to restore it. Help your significant other comprehend that, 5. Which is why you have to tell him what you want, without making him feel worse about not making any money right now. A 15 year age gap. Theres nothing in your wifes genetic coding that makes her better suited to this kind of work. I said yes because I thought it would only be a few weeks, few months tops. Job hunting has basically become my full time job (besides my non-related job) and I am a very determined person. heres an idea dump the boyfriend and stay single. I asked him repeatedly to leave many times. Hes here constantly causing fights and bickers Because how can I keep ignoring that hes not going out looking for any work??? This is not your fault. So I say ladies we are being used and in our relationships we have discovered when the chips are down our partners prefer to stay down and watch us haul the baggage. Fabulous! When they arent doing this, they are playing on their computer, laying in bed/sleeping or pretty much generally lazing around morning, noon and night. 13 yrs later Im in your boat! My boyfriend graduated the following semester in December 2014. I am in exactly the same situation too! But after reading your stories I saw a pattern. We use data about you for a number of purposes explained in the links below.

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